2015年12月23日星期三

Top 10 Tips for Choosing a Classy, Not Trashy Military Ball Dress

It's that time of year again for this Marine Corps Spouse. Our birthday ball is fast approaching and USMC spouses everywhere are out looking for that perfect ball gown. Oh, how I envy our male counterparts in the military spouse world this time of year. What man doesn't look good in a tux? And short of renting a powder blue one with a neon green cummerbund...you really can't go wrong. But for the ladies, well, a lot can go wrong. Over the past 13 years I have been witness to some serious fashion disasters. Those are images that you just can't get out of your head.
beaded cap sleeve pink a line lace and chiffon evening dress
This is the perfect time to tackle a Top 10 List that can help us all show up to whatever ball we will attend this year looking our best. Be warned. I am old fashioned. I am a fierce advocate of covering your behind. If you are hell bent on wearing that cute little number you found in the idress Catalog...this piece might not be for you. I want us to remain friends. Let's just agree to disagree, ok?
Floor length is best.
Oh, I know, I know...that's an old-fashioned statement.To be fair, I did just warn you. But if your ball is considered formal, then it is customary to wear something floor length. How do you know if it is formal? A good rule of thumb is to find out what uniform is required of your spouse. In the Marine Corps, if they are wearing their dress blues (especially if they are wearing medals and not just ribbons), it is appropriate to wear a formal gown. Formal indicates floor length.
aqua crisscross beaded net chiffon strapless a line prom ball dress
If not floor length, then PLEASE check the wind advisory
If there is any chance, at all, that your gown will not sufficiently cover your bum for any reason or at any point in the evening; get another gown. This includes wind, dancing or bending over to pick up your purse. We don't really want to see your thong underwear; we would rather leave that up to the imagination, thank you. Remember ladies; if your fingertips touch flesh when you put them by your side; there is a chance we can see more than we want. In the age of camera phones; well, I am just trying to have your back; in a manner of speaking.

There should be no reason for tape
If in order to keep your dress in place you require any form of tape; sports tape, masking tape, duct tape; it might be time to reconsider your selection. I don't really think this needs further explanation, do you?

Your dress shouldn't look like a jigsaw puzzle missing pieces
what I am talking about. We have all seen dresses with slits up to the crotch, non-existent backs that come very close to being an after school special about the dangers of crack, or mid-sections that look like they were cut out by a kindergartener who didn't have a nap. It does not matter if you have a body that would make Barbie jealous; formal attire means that the dress starts somewhere at the top of your body, ends somewhere beneath the knees; and there are no holes in between.

We all appreciate a great set of knockers, but not tonight
If the only thing between your nipple and the eyes of your husband's Commanding Officer is a centimeter of fabric or one wrong twist to reach for your ice tea; Houston, we have a problem. For goodness sake; cover the girls, please. We all know they are there; I promise.

Know your TRUE size.
You will never read a status update from me bragging about how I finally fit back into those size 4 jeans from high school. (Lets totally skip over the fact that they would be acid washed and tight-rolled anyway). I am not a thin woman. But no matter what size you are, you can find a dress that fits, covers all the right parts, and still looks classy. Last time I checked no one was asking to see size tags when they take your ticket. So forget what the stupid tag says and buy the dress that fits. I know I don't care what size the gown claims to be. I don't want to spend the whole night feeling like a stuffed sausage with cute earrings.
red mermaid illusion beaded boat neck banded tulle prom dress
Color matters
It is not always possible to find a dress that"matches" a spouse's uniform in whatever small town the military moved you to this year. But, there are some things that probably should be avoided. Neon is not a good look for anyone. It wasn't in the 80's either. It is not coming back. Let's move on. The same goes for any prints that try to look like an animal on safari. I promise, in 10 years you will cringe every time you see that picture hanging in the hallway. And you will always wonder if the DJ's selection of"Eye of The Tiger"was intended just for you
ivory a line strapless crystal beaded chiffon ball dress sweetheart neck
Do not shop in the Prom section
Have you seen one lately? It is like a Toddlers and Tiaras episode gone very wrong. Every time my husband passes by one, he buys a new gun in anticipation of prom night in a few short years. I promise, if you shop in the prom section of your local department store; you might as well throw away all of these guidelines and get out the Fredrick's catalog.

No need to take out a loan, ladies.
There is absolutely no reason, unless you are just swimming in cash and really want to, to spend hundreds of dollars on a gown. It is perfectly acceptable to shop on Craigs List, in thrift stores, or the clearance rack. You can even rent a gorgeous dress from Rent the Runway! It is also perfectly acceptable to borrow from a friend or, wait for it;wear the same dress you did last year!!! Your spouse will wear the same uniform to every ball for as long as they are in the military. Sometimes it is changed up a bit with the seasons, and of course they add more bling with more ribbons, etc. So what is the big deal about you doing the same? Wear a different shawl, buy some new heels, or wear different bling. But you do not have to buy a new dress every year. I have a standby, floor length, classy black gown in the back of my closet. If I can't find a reasonably cheap ball dresses that year;then I wear it. And not one single person cares.
teal fit and flare crystal beaded illusion cap sleeve chiffon ball dress
The ball is not about YOU
I realize this sounds harsh, but it needs to be said. Balls are to celebrate the servicemember. They are to celebrate the traditions and heritage of their branch of service. The night is about THEM, not YOU. That doesn't mean you can't look amazing. That doesn't mean you can't have a great time. That doesn't mean you should be a wall flower. But keeping that in perspective always grounds me when I am shopping for;the perfect dress

1 条评论:

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